Rules & Regulator

Look Up Stupid

2012-01-25T10:39:00.003-05:00

Rule: It is more than OK to bump extra hard into people who walk or stand while staring at their phones. Especially on subway platforms.

Because You Can

2011-11-04T18:11:00.002-04:00

Rule: When near Grand Central Terminal, stop in at Oyster Bar for martinis and oysters before returning to work.

You're Not on a Reality Show

2011-11-03T13:22:00.003-04:00

Rule: Don't use the speakerphone feature on your cellphone while walking on the sidewalk.

You Can't Have Any Either

2011-07-11T15:09:00.004-04:00

Rule: Don't comment negatively on someone's choice of food. Especially if they happen to be eating.

Even If It Were True

2011-07-07T13:25:00.002-04:00

Rule: If anyone thinks they are a rock star they should be killed. Slowly.

You Have a Job?

2011-05-11T10:20:00.003-04:00

Rule: Don't knock on the bathroom door and say, 'I need to shower for work!' while your roommate is still in there, getting ready for work.

I Can Hear You Now

2011-03-30T14:13:00.003-04:00

Rule: In an open space office, unless it's a business call, take it outside. No one cares about your trip to Portugal.

It's Not Good

2011-03-10T17:50:00.002-05:00

Rule: Always wear a Gordon Gekko dress shirt with a tie. Never wear it open collar with a white ringer t-shirt underneath, with cuff links on, untucked over jeans. Never.

Meow

2011-02-22T11:16:00.002-05:00

Rule: No matter what you google, you'll end up with at least one image of a cat.

Broken Finger

2011-01-26T16:50:00.002-05:00

Rule: If you owe money, it's your responsibility to pay it back. Not the lender's responsibility to remind you.

You've Been Waived

2011-01-12T16:34:00.000-05:00

Rule: If you're not on the team, refrain from referring to that team as 'We'.

Absence of Color

2010-10-22T17:30:00.002-04:00

Rule: When you wear a white dress shirt, you will get a stain on it before the day is over. Especially if it's brand new.

Sincerely Your's

2010-10-22T15:18:00.002-04:00

Rule: People who don't know the difference between 'there' and 'their' should not be in leadership positions.

Night School

2010-10-12T11:31:00.002-04:00

Rule: Just because you took one or two classes at a school, doesn't mean you 'went' there.

Can You Help Yourself?

2010-10-04T17:01:00.002-04:00

Rule: If the MTA clerk in the booth doesn't actually answer your first question, don't bother and move on. He's interested in telling you what you supposedly did wrong, like not read the sign that wasn't even there. Also, he won't give you his name if you ask to see his name tag.

Where Will You Stay?

2010-09-30T14:43:00.002-04:00

Rule: It's not really a sublet if you sublet your room to someone, but still intend to crash at the apartment's living room some of those days.

It's Killing the Environment

2010-09-27T14:11:00.003-04:00

Rule: One drink order at the bar of a restaurant or bar should not come back with a printed receipt that includes the drink's price and tax listed separately, charging you $5.43 for a beer. That's just stupid.

It's Nice to Do

2010-09-14T23:44:00.003-04:00

Rule: If someone does you a favor (especially if you asked them to do it), say thank you.

Tour de Douche 2

2010-08-25T11:53:00.002-04:00

Rule: Hey, girl with bike getting on the subway car first during morning rush hour: How about you don't take a seat by the door too while you block people trying to get on with your stupid bike you're not riding. Nice helmet, retard.

Tour de Douche

2010-07-12T20:20:00.001-04:00

Rule: Don't ride your bike on a sidewalk. Especially on a street with a bike lane.

You Get Paid For It

2010-06-10T10:04:00.000-04:00

Rule: Do your job.

Respect My Authoritah!

2010-04-27T12:42:00.002-04:00

Rule: If no one else at work knows you're a manager, then you're definitely not a manager.

Public Domain

2010-04-23T12:09:00.002-04:00

Rule: If you tell someone something private about yourself in confidence, realize it won't stay private for long.

18+ = -16

2010-04-10T14:27:00.002-04:00

Rule: If the age limit for an event states 18+ to get in, it'll probably mean mostly 15 year olds attending said event.

Down the Hatch

2010-03-29T17:21:00.001-04:00

Rule: After using the office restroom, double check to make sure you didn't leave a floater.

We're Not Twelve

2010-03-23T21:18:00.002-04:00

Rule: When offered a handshake after introduction, don't refuse it because "...I only do high-fives."

What Up Shorty

2010-03-22T11:27:00.002-04:00

Rule: If you're a short, stocky dude, Don't wear your jeans cuffed 4 inches.

Or Mussolini

2010-03-17T17:30:00.003-04:00

Rule: Avoid using Hitler as a reference point in any context when talking about yourself.

People Will Hate You

2010-03-15T12:10:00.001-04:00

Rule: Never set up a meeting for 10AM.

No Murdering Allowed

2010-03-05T13:27:00.001-05:00

Rule: When using a shared office bathroom, don't leave streaks of blood on the toilet.

The Wire

2010-02-24T21:27:00.000-05:00

Rule: Wire hangers aren't hangers.

Best Orange Juice Ever

2010-01-29T13:57:00.001-05:00

Rule: All delis should sell Pineapple Juice.

Alone Time

2010-01-20T13:44:00.001-05:00

Rule: A trip to the ATM should be made when you're on your own. Not when you just met up with your friends. Do it before you meet, dummy.

No One Cares About the Tree

2009-12-05T13:14:00.004-05:00

Rule: Stop screaming 'Free t-shirt!' inside a crowded bar because you happened to win one from a giveaway. People let the first one go because it's just dumb. After that we're all plotting to hurt you. And so are your embarrassed friends.

For the Last Time

2009-11-17T12:07:00.002-05:00

Rule: If you can't tip at least $1 per drink ordered, then stay home. You're too poor to be out.

We Know You're Classy

2009-10-26T10:41:00.001-04:00

Rule: You really don't need to hold out your pinkie drinking a PBR tallboy.

Move Get Out Da Way

2009-10-22T12:12:00.003-04:00

Rule: When driving on the left lane of a highway, a high-beam signal from the vehicle directly behind you means you should move over to the right lane and let that vehicle pass as soon as feasible. That's all it means.

Psyche

2009-10-22T12:08:00.003-04:00

Rule: If you ever pull the fake-tipping routine, (where you motion pulling a bill out from your wallet long enough for the bartender to turn around) you should immediately get shat on by an animal. Preferably by a large bird or a donkey.

Thong Thong Thong Thong Thong

2009-10-22T11:18:00.005-04:00

Rule: No flossing your teeth in front of your friends and strangers at a bar. Can't believe this has to be a rule.

First!

2009-10-19T14:37:00.001-04:00

Rule: Just because you mentioned her first, doesn't make her 'yours'.

Don't Mess with Jesus

2009-09-03T08:58:00.003-04:00

Rule: Don't come bowling with only $12 when you don't know most of the people you're going with.

Electrolytes

2009-08-22T17:50:00.004-04:00

Rule: If you drink someone else's Gatorade, it should be replaced before the owner knows about it. Preferably with a large size than original for even touching someone else's Gatorade.

Happy And Sad

2009-08-19T20:33:00.002-04:00

Rule: If you keep acting like a clown, then you are, in fact, a clown.

Bedazzled!

2009-08-06T11:16:00.003-04:00

Rule: A man does not wear clothing that glitters.

Really?

2009-07-31T14:15:00.004-04:00

Rule: If you're a physical laborer, stop mentioning how tired you are, multiple times, to garner sympathy and perhaps coax more tip after the job is done. Tacky.

Kind of Like Being Classy

2009-07-30T16:43:00.003-04:00

Rule: Don't use the phrase, '... but because I'm a gentleman...' to describe yourself.

2010

2009-07-30T16:42:00.001-04:00

Rule: Stay away from Atlantic City for the rest of 2009.

Gong Show

2009-07-07T22:53:00.001-04:00

Rule: Stop crying about it. It's boring.

Grow Up

2009-06-29T14:40:00.002-04:00

Rule: Adults shouldn't twitter from their cubicle using magnetic alphabets.

The Whole Drink, Please?

2009-06-28T18:11:00.003-04:00

Rule: Never go back to a place that charges $10 for a shot of Jameson served in a plastic cup.

It's Got Mad Hops

2009-06-20T15:18:00.002-04:00

Rule: Don't wear the hoodie from last night if it's the same hoodie you toweled beer off of you and friends.

Coca? Cola! Coca? ...

2009-06-18T21:12:00.002-04:00

Rule: If you order coke from your dealer and agree to meet him at a bar, then you should at least recognize your own coke dealer when he shows up. *I didn't order coke. Just sayin'.

Unless It's About Malcolm

2009-06-12T13:03:00.003-04:00

Rule: If you're hanging out with someone, try not to mention your 'ex' even just as a point of reference for an anecdote, five or six times a night. It's boring and no one cares.

Why Can't I Ever Say What I Really Mean?

2009-06-12T13:01:00.003-04:00

Rule: It's always OK to watch the remainder of Point Break if you happen upon it while flipping through the channels.

Platinum

2009-06-10T16:17:00.003-04:00

Rule: If you go around the neighborhood calling yourself 'Gold,' then you can't have a silent friend called 'Silver' in tow who wears sunglasses at night and carries around a walking stick.

I'm Sorry, Have We Met Before?

2009-06-07T23:01:00.003-04:00

Rule: If you end up in the same coffee shop with the person who just returned to you the money you dropped on the street, then at least offer to buy that person a coffee. Instead of pretending you don't see that person by actually avoiding eye contact. Jerk.

No, But He Did!

2009-06-07T22:59:00.004-04:00

Rule: Don't let Lisa know if you find a $20 bill on the ground. She'll rat you out to the first stranger who walks towards you asking, "Did you find a $20 bill on the ground?"

I Can't Hear You Ever

2009-06-01T14:42:00.004-04:00

Rule: Don't fake a loud phone call to wake the person sitting next to you on the bus just because you're bored or lonely.

Something He Worked On Between Superman and The Goonies

2009-05-28T15:21:00.004-04:00

Rule: It's OK to never have heard of a Richard Donner movie starring Matthew Broderick, Rutger Hauer, and Michelle Pfeiffer where one turns into a wolf at night, and another to a hawk during the day. It's not OK to keep watching the movie at 3AM hoping it gets better.

The Worst Danny Boyle Movie

2009-05-26T18:50:00.003-04:00

Rule: If you have a car at your disposal and are within driving range of a beach, you should always have beach gear (towel, sunblock, etc) in the car no matter what the local weatherman says about the day's weather.

Fast, Faster, Fastest

2009-05-24T22:42:00.002-04:00

Rule: When in Atlantic City, don't break for meals. Or just stop playing poker altogether after eating.

You've Got Mail, Maybe

2009-05-21T17:13:00.003-04:00

Rule: If you write someone a letter, don't drunk text said person the same night: 'I sent something in the mail for you.' It sort of defeats the purpose.

It's About Math, Really

2009-05-12T01:24:00.002-04:00

Rule: A girl who can play volleyball is 15% hotter for it.

Raise Your Hand If You're Sure

2009-05-12T01:21:00.001-04:00

Rule: Try to apply your Old Spice deodorant before you get to the subway, not at the platform.

It's the Economy, Stupid

2009-05-04T22:51:00.003-04:00

Rule: $8 for a Bud is wrong. And probably one of the ways they're ruining the economy.

Throw Up On Your Feet

2009-05-03T00:10:00.004-04:00

Rule: Sketchers are ugly.

You Got Googled

2009-04-28T12:01:00.002-04:00

Rule: If you're going to grift, don't use your real name. People can find your wanted poster from Utah on the internet, stupid.

Dude Looks Like a Lady

2009-04-18T16:54:00.001-04:00

Rule: A dude should not wear his coat resting over his shoulders like a lady.

Matching Madness

2009-04-18T16:52:00.004-04:00

Rule: If you match your belt color to your shoes, don't do it if the color's red. You look stupid.

But They Make My Ankles Look Slender

2009-04-16T13:40:00.002-04:00

Rule: If you match the color of your socks to what you're wearing, they should match the pants, not the shoes.

Apples and Oranges

2009-04-16T00:49:00.002-04:00

Rule: A service foot-fault in volleyball is NOT the same kind of mistake as a serve that goes out of bounds. A foot-fault can be avoided very easily.

Cats and Dogs

2009-04-06T16:06:00.004-04:00

Rule: If it's pouring rain and you don't have an umbrella, walk into a bar and order a drink. Tip an extra dollar or two and ask the bartender if they have any extra umbrellas. The answer is almost always 'yes.'

It's Not the Bullet, It's the Hole

2009-04-06T00:26:00.002-04:00

Rule: Half dozen donuts at 9PM is always a good idea.

Return to Sender

2009-04-04T21:41:00.003-04:00

Rule: If you say it's been mailed, it should really have been mailed.

With Cream and Sugar

2009-03-25T23:10:00.001-04:00

Rule: A coffee shop should always have coffee available.

It Tastes Like Burning

2009-03-23T02:31:00.002-04:00

Rule: If you have Ed Burns in your movie, don't make it worse by having his character narrate throughout the movie.

Psychic Hotline Thinks You're Full

2009-03-19T17:42:00.004-04:00

Rule: Don't keep saying, 'That's exactly what I put you on," at a poker table after you won a hand. Especially if you only say that right after your opponent told everyone what he had.

Face Job

2009-03-18T20:30:00.001-04:00

Rule: If you get spiked on the face (or any other part of your body) playing volleyball, it's your own fault.

Midtown Madness

2009-03-17T14:04:00.004-04:00

Rule: It's OK to not drink green beer and puke all over the sidewalk on St. Patrick's Day.

Hairs of the Dog

2009-03-16T02:44:00.003-04:00

Rule: If three drinks don't cure a hangover, go for number four.

No Offense

2009-03-12T18:39:00.004-04:00

Rule: If you insist on calling people you don't know well 'motherfucker,' and like to pretend that's a term of endearment, then at least hide your weird-repressed-anger-thing better when you speak so people think you're only half the asshole that you really are.

White, Blue

2009-03-09T20:01:00.008-04:00

Rule: The type of tie knot (windsor, half-windsor, four-in-hand, etc.) one uses should be determined by the shape of your dress shirt collar, not the shape of his head. If you want to play that game, you need to determine what type of knot is most flattering to your overall body shape (not just the head) and wear dress shirts with the appropriate collar for the type of knot.

The Greens Are OK

2009-03-08T22:49:00.002-04:00

Rule: Never touch another man's gravy without asking. Actually, just don't touch it at all.

It's Not Supposed To Match

2009-03-07T01:20:00.004-05:00

Rule: Don't match the color of your sneakers to your t-shirt. Especially if they're both red. Very especial if the sneakers are Pumas. You'll look you're on a sports team. From clown school.

In The Army Now

2009-03-06T14:12:00.002-05:00

Rule: Don't work out at the gym wearing camouflaged cargo pants. Even in the Army they wear shorts in the gym.

No Teabagging

2009-03-05T17:08:00.001-05:00

Rule: Always throw out tea bags before placing used mugs in the sink. No one likes to finger another man's soggy tea bag.

Maintain Radio Silence

2009-03-04T13:35:00.003-05:00

Rule: Refrain from using any form of communication device during an inebriated cab ride home. Think about what to eat for breakfast instead.

Many Over One

2009-03-03T18:30:00.001-05:00

Rule: Don't form a single line at the grocery store when multiple registers are open.

In Case of Emergency

2009-03-02T16:58:00.004-05:00

Rule: When leaving a coffee shop with a cup of coffee, always take a napkin with you. You never know when you might throw up said coffee and need to wipe your face.

Don't Hold Me

2009-03-01T18:00:00.007-05:00

Rule: When falling down while ice skating, never grab for the nearest person in a panic to hold yourself up.

Half It

2009-02-27T17:33:00.002-05:00

Rule: Use only half of the recommended amount of laundry detergent per load. Everything still comes out clean.

No, I Have None

2009-02-26T18:43:00.004-05:00

Rule: Takeout delivery dude who shows up with no change is a liar.

Off The Grid

2009-02-24T19:32:00.005-05:00

Rule: It's OK to misplace your cellphone once in a while. It makes you be on-time.

GPS

2009-02-23T14:47:00.005-05:00

Rule: If the dude has to use GPS on his phone to find his way home in the morning, then the girl should at least show him some boobs. Or something.

Answer to Everything

2009-02-23T14:23:00.002-05:00

Rule: When you can't decide what to eat, get soup.

It's About the Money, Part 2

2009-02-20T15:56:00.006-05:00

Rule: When money is borrowed among friends, the lender shouldn't have to ask the borrower about it past the agreed upon payback date. It's the borrower's responsibility.

It's About the Money

2009-02-19T21:55:00.008-05:00

Rule: When you ordered 5 drinks for you and your friends, it's not OK to tip $4.

For Art

2009-02-18T05:31:00.005-05:00

Rule: In a movie, a love scene where the girl keeps her bra on is stupid. It's unrealistic and distracting. She might as well just keep her top on.

Sit to My Left

2009-02-17T15:06:00.002-05:00

Rule: Don't ask questions or comment on the movie while it's still playing. In the theater. Just shh.

Real Smooth

2009-02-16T00:06:00.002-05:00

Rule: Never make a lady wait for you on Valentine's Day. Especially by a subway stop where she can see people getting out holding flowers, over and over again, none of the flowers for her. For like an hour.