Grow Up

Rule: Adults shouldn't twitter from their cubicle using magnetic alphabets.

The Whole Drink, Please?

Rule: Never go back to a place that charges $10 for a shot of Jameson served in a plastic cup.

It's Got Mad Hops

Rule: Don't wear the hoodie from last night if it's the same hoodie you toweled beer off of you and friends.

Coca? Cola! Coca? ...

Rule: If you order coke from your dealer and agree to meet him at a bar, then you should at least recognize your own coke dealer when he shows up. *I didn't order coke. Just sayin'.

Unless It's About Malcolm

Rule: If you're hanging out with someone, try not to mention your 'ex' even just as a point of reference for an anecdote, five or six times a night. It's boring and no one cares. 

Why Can't I Ever Say What I Really Mean?

Rule: It's always OK to watch the remainder of Point Break if you happen upon it while flipping through the channels. 

Platinum

Rule: If you go around the neighborhood calling yourself 'Gold,' then you can't have a silent friend called 'Silver' in tow who wears sunglasses at night and carries around a walking stick. 

I'm Sorry, Have We Met Before?

Rule: If you end up in the same coffee shop with the person who just returned to you the money you dropped on the street, then at least offer to buy that person a coffee. Instead of pretending you don't see that person by actually avoiding eye contact. Jerk. 

No, But He Did!

Rule: Don't let Lisa know if you find a $20 bill on the ground. She'll rat you out to the first stranger who walks towards you asking, "Did you find a $20 bill on the ground?"

I Can't Hear You Ever

Rule: Don't fake a loud phone call to wake the person sitting next to you on the bus just because you're bored or lonely.