You Got Googled

Rule: If you're going to grift, don't use your real name. People can find your wanted poster from Utah on the internet, stupid.

Dude Looks Like a Lady

Rule: A dude should not wear his coat resting over his shoulders like a lady. 

Matching Madness

Rule: If you match your belt color to your shoes, don't do it if the color's red. You look stupid. 

But They Make My Ankles Look Slender

Rule: If you match the color of your socks to what you're wearing, they should match the pants, not the shoes. 

Apples and Oranges

Rule: A service foot-fault in volleyball is NOT the same kind of mistake as a serve that goes out of bounds. A foot-fault can be avoided very easily. 

Cats and Dogs

Rule: If it's pouring rain and you don't have an umbrella, walk into a bar and order a drink. Tip an extra dollar or two and ask the bartender if they have any extra umbrellas. The answer is almost always 'yes.' 

It's Not the Bullet, It's the Hole

Rule: Half dozen donuts at 9PM is always a good idea.

Return to Sender

Rule: If you say it's been mailed, it should really have been mailed.